The girl is short, chubby but not fat with large breasts and butt. She has very big eyes, long black hair & a small mouth with strait bright teeth that takes up half her face when she smile.
She has been practicing her smile for almost two weeks & is almost certain she's got it right. She doesn't look like she's baring her canines like a dog or grimacing in terror anymore; it almost looks natural. Her lips looks different too, not as thin & with more color, though she forgets sometimes to make her mouth soft but not so loose it falls open. Open means stupid and she is not but soft means friends or at least not a bitch.
It has been an almost good day and is hoping that nothing happens on the bus today. Yestarday a man touched her hair & complented her on it and she tried to smile (she is almost certain she did) and said "thank you."
A man gets on and stands in front of her, waiting. Her stares at her and then positions himself over her backpack, forcing her to drag it out of his way, even though there are many empty seats on the bus today. He starts talking and at first she doesn't realize he is talking to her. She wonders if she knows him but she cant remember his voice or way of moving & she's almost certain she doesn't. He's still talking and she finally looks at him, her mouth is closed and her lips are a tight strait line. His arm brushes against hers & she stares down at it. He is telling her how pretty she is but she just looks at him, not talking. He starts to get mad. He says to not be so cold and self absorbed, that he only spoke to her out of pity, cuz she looked so sad and pathetic and she is always alone and anyway she is really not that pretty after all. He doesn't notice her lips moving and she doesn't realize that the words that sound so clear in her head are not coming out. She cant always tell if she's saying things out loud. The man calls her an ugly retarded bitch and gets off.
She rubs her arm on her pants, over and over while wishing she were home already. The bus is hot and loud. Someone ask her for the time and she tells them using her finger. They get upset, thinking she is mute, but she is just tired and doesnt want to talk.
Finally, it is her stop and she gets off & starts walking for home. It's quite & dark, the streets empty of people. Her mother says it's dangerous for girls to walk alone at night but no one has ever bothered her. She listens to the frogs singing and stops at the park to go down the slide and sit on the swings for a moment. She knows she's too old but swinging is like flying, like rocking (which is not allowed). She wishes she had a hammock and thinks that maybe tomorrow she will go to the beach to float a while.
She get's home and everyone is locked up in their rooms. There's food on the table but she isn't hungry. She goes into her bedroom to get the scissors & takes them to the bathroom, locking the door. She stands for a while, looking at herself in the mirror. She does this every night, picking up the tweezers pinching her skin at the least sign of a blackhead or zit. She doesn't stop until her skin is raw and bleeding. She is lucky to heal so well or she would have scars. She picks up the scissors and starts cutting randomly, grabbing at chunks of hair. It takes a long time before it is short enough to use the machine. She goes to her mom's room and asks her to help with the back. Mom takes one look at her head and says "oh my god" but she fixes it as well as she can.
When they finally finish her mother goes back to bed without saying a word. She turns off the light & climbs into the shower, turning the water up as hot as it will go. She sings, sounds without words echoing in the dark as she rocks under the water until it gets cold. She gets out & after peeking out of the door to make sure no one is in the hallway she runs naked to her room. She never wears clothes when she is alone, not even when it is very cold. With the windows shuttered and the fan turned as low as possible, she piles a blanket over her head to block out sounds and jostles her foot until she falls asleep.
The next morning her mother is mad. She forgot to clean up the hair & the neighbor complained about wierd noises come from the vents. She goes to the bathrrom to clean up & looks in the mirror. She looks horrible, her eyebrows naked, scratches all over her face & her head looks huge without its feminine camoflage.
At uni no one knows her & no one recognizes her. Nobody touches her on the bus or asks her questions or yells at her. The only person who spoke to her was a classmate who wanted to know what was for homework. People flinch when they look at her. They seem afraid & think she is gay. Men sneer in distaste but she doesnt notice.
That night she walks home singing. It takes a while to get home becuz she is dancing in circles on her toes. She does not visit the bathroom mirror, but goes strait to sleep thinking "Today was a very good day."